August 2008
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On the Move
29th August 2008
No, not a live wire. Just somebody who wants to know. Is there anything wrong with that? So, today I fly out to Germany for 6 months. What a strange thought. Hello to nicer weather and perhaps a continuation of the Slovenian sun? Maybe the continent beats the isles after all!
A little trepidation mixed with a lot of excitement. There is nothing else that needs to be said. Or is there?
I won't be sad. I know nothing has grinded to a halt. Nothing shall grind to a halt. It always moves. Perfection is but an illusion, and banging heads only lead to much pain. There is always more around the bend.
But that's the pondering I shall do. I don't believe I shall have much access to internet and computers (hurrah!), so goodbye for now.
I am missing the Swiss mochas from Iceland.
Right Back At Ya
15th August 2008
Has it been another few weeks gone by? Dieses Woche war ein bisschen schwer aber es war bessar als arbeiten.
I am tired. And it is getting to be almost 11. What an old woman am I turning into!
Maybe there is excitement about starting a new life after all.
The Inhabitants.
The Intruders.
Hoffentlich.
Summer of Ooze
27th July 2008
Has it been more than two years already since that everlasting summer's day?
When the lazy heat rose from the pavements as eyes accustomed to a tiny sitting room and stomachs bloated with sweets took in the languid breeze.
Knowing we had all evening long.
Chopping up a food salad.
Too hot to ingest anything but strips of green.
Bliss is an iced coffee.
Or else watching the grass sweep across the plains stretched out below like a restless snake.
Knowing that no matter how rainy or windy, there would still be shouts and laughter as we speed along the Highway 1.
I apologise, the longing and nostalgia has been strong of late. Knowing and thinking that just a week ago the house was filled with shouts of laughter. That we were finishing dinner and about to embark on a slow amble across Hyde Park and the Gardens.
Its transience is part of its beauty?
Why do I not agree?
I Take Pictures
20th July 2008
Don't cry.
Poetry swivels about.
I got a handful of nothing.
Thankfully, no film for me!
Tubing Again
8th July 2008
Got the all-clear with my physio and am back on public transport. Never thought I would be glad not to rely on taxis! And yes, I am slowly coming up of mourning, even if it hurts to talk or think about Sunday. Bit extreme? I don't know about that.
No more live sports for me. It's rubbish, but on the other hand, I am about to resume normal service! Woohoo! No more pissing about pretending to be exercising. I want some real exercise. Even if I don't end up picking up a racquet! Squash could be good, but I want to be outside!
I'm also sunburnt. How random.
Iceland on Friday - can't wait in the slightest. It may not be properly summer, but I am planning to get serious relaxation. If that is possible.
I.Hate.Sports.
6th July 2008
An English Summer
5th July 2008
A Brief Hello
29th June 2008
It's almost July, and I have been buried in one thing after another. A brief update: work, dislocated coccyx, work, cute Norwegian men, work, Wimbledon!, work, work, work, work.
Tennis is so distracting. Especially with the BBC live viewer. Although one can hardly say I don't get anything done. Especially having billed £8400 in the week I was supposed to be convalescing.
I hate pigeons. Especially when they start cooing outside your window. There is nothing romantic about plague carriers. Rats too are disgusting.
Much as I tire of the direction this place seems to be headed in, some days just make me so effervescent I don't want to leave.
Pretty Colours
4th May 2008
I know I've been neglecting the computer of late, and who can blame me? The daily grind still goes on, even if a 3 day week is in my sights next week. Planning holidays also makes it more imminent. And without going into moaney details, it's strange how a person can be so hopelessly inadequate and still manage to throw said person's weight around like it meant something.
It's also incredibly true how loss of respect changes the way you see things. I would be the first to admit arrogance and snobbery, but I recognise these and try to keep them reined in. After all, who can but help being superior when in those circumstances?
But after a spring filled with snow and hail, bits of hope seem to be pushing their way through the grey smog.
We so often forget what is around the corner, even if it is strikingly beautiful.
Earth Still Calling Me
14th April 2008
I thought you might have forgotten my existence, but I look out and you're still calling patiently. I turn over in a deep sleep, and when I awake am I still dreaming?
The sun starts to grow stronger with each day, and too soon it will be still winking while I commence my daily descent from the tower of ivory steel and glass.
It's amazing once more how forceful a picture can be. But more so than words? A picture, or so many words? I wish I could spout beautiful verse, but how best to describe my stomach's turnings?
And finally -- London to Amsterdam by bike for the Tulip challenge. Anybody?
All Snuggled Up
23rd February 2008
I am sitting here in my loose jumper and pyjama bottoms, watching the grey sky grow dark. It's strange how a little sunlight brings so much joy into your life. And it is nice to have a bit of quiet, me time. Before I charge off for another 2 parties tonight.
I took this picture in a lovely little church in Toledo. Well, that's a lie, it wasn't little, but it was really beautiful. What a shame that there were so many tourists trumping up and down. I suppose that is part of the beauty of photographs -- they can be so beautifully misleading. Like the £x00 I just spent on them. Yes, the photos I took last weekend have now been processed, and they look stunning. Now I know why models are so beautiful during photoshoots. And there wasn't any funny touching-up/feature-enhancements either. It's just the lighting!
I'm also into a new activity: cheerleading! No, not really. I've just attended a class which was such a good laugh. And we got to do stunts too. I'd so rather be the flyer any day -- at least it's somebody else taking my weight!
Yes, my life does seem amazing right now -- luxurious and glamorous. But that's because the hours are still good, and my pay is fab. And yes hun, beauty shots should not wait until wedding. Not at all. It's all downhill from here, so you might as well catch a snapshot of your current youth and vitality. Wait until I actually start working though. Then we'll see what happens. Nobody will be jealous anymore. Nossir.
I'm Useful Now!
21st February 2008
I can now open and close documents in MS Word. And also edit templates without killing the master document. And I being assessed in my competence with regard to financial and business skills. Wow.
Excuse me for not jumping up and down with joy. But it is rather difficult when you are falling asleep. The bright side is today is payday! Whoopee!
Apart from the obvious, I have been having a really good time. Had my first professional photoshoot, which is always cool. Bit uncanny to have huge ring-flashes go off in your face, but it was such fun that I couldn't help but wish I worked in fashion. The clothes you got to wear! Although I would probably be known as the Fat Girl. But then again I am now officially a Size 0. Which would mean I would be banned from the Milan Catwalk. Strange as that thought is. I did ask them to do a bit of air-brushing for the face though. Oops.
And then there was the bizarre experience that was the Masque of the Red Death. Promenade theatre is something I could really get into, I think. I also quite like contemporary dance, even if it is tiring as hell to perform. I still remember how my back ached after just 90 minutes of it last year. Ouch.
Yet I still haven't had any exercise. I do wish I could squeeze something in, but with that and all the other things going on, there's just no time! I'm exhausted most of the time, and just want to go to bed. Even now when it's 8 in the evening I am thinking of curling up under the duvet.
Flipping through my Moroccan photos, I was once again struck by how beautiful it was. What a country, and how I miss it. I can't complain too much though, since I did just book a trip with the Meow to Paris. Huzzah!
This is a photo we took from the hotel window in Tangier. What a view! I love the sea. It's such a shame London is so far out. But then again it isn't, really. The Sussex coast is quite beautiful at times. Not dramatic, but instead quietly comforting somehow.
Snub-Nosed
13th February 2008
I am that little girl with her face pressed against the window, excitedly watching and wondering when the crowds will break. The rows of shop-houses, both run-down and foreign; each one I know like the back of my hand, from the lines of text with their strange spelling of English to the number plates on the cars with no alphabets at the end. Will there be another snatch-thief fleeing from the scene of the crime again today? The prospect brings excitement, no fear. For I am safe in my cage of glass and metal.
So near and yet so far. I cannot wait to leap out and charge in to greet my grandpapa and grandmamma, who have been waiting for this day since last year. Shouts of excitement are already heard, and are those the distant pops of fireworks being let off? I wish I could be there already. Will we set another tree on fire again this year? It is so long away, and the cars do not move.
And how do I bring about the words to describe the fear and accomplishment when the fuse has been successfully set off? The trepidation when turning and running to a safe distance? The disappointment or joy when it goes dead or off! Stories abound too about the foolhardiness of others who have put live firecrackers in pockets and burnt themselves. We are such children, and everything is red and black for us today. There is also the thought of waking up the next morning to a toe-deep sea of red shredded paper, where we shall wade in it and marvel at the event that brought this joy to us.
No one curses or scolds, and we guard our hordes of coins won from hours of blackjack jealously. Little coins that would produce less than a handful of sweets that have taken minutes of arithmetic and quick calculations of risk to earn. Money has never been so easily and difficultly earned.
But adieu to all that. I have been fortunate enough to bring back some of that since we left it behind, with catching-up Down Under and also a last-gasp effort at lighting fireworks. It is good to know that after more than ten years, the technique fails to desert you, and your heart starts beating in the same way when you hear and see the fuse cackle to life. I envy me for having had that. Which child wouldn't love to feel the atmosphere? The roads look the same, but the houses have changed and the company has grown up. I miss you all.
It's a Strange, Strange World
3rd February 2008
Now I'm not trying to be Miss Astute or anything like that, and neither am I trying to be riding high on my steed, but there is something rather strange about the world when:
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People queue up from 7 in the morning to buy sliced pork. All 25 kilos of it.
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A blind 92-year old ends up scoring a hole-in-one.
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I am not allowed to retire at the ripe old age of 24.
Maybe it's me who has to re-align my perceptions. I do dread having to start all the climbing. Really, I do. But I do suppose instead of Bollywood I shall have Ballroom, which will be much of a laugh, provided I do not end up with sore toes from getting trod on. That would be rather enjoyable, I must say, even if I do end up sniggering in the middle of a jump and getting told off for it!
Until then, here's a snugly feline greeting from our favourite black cat army. I only wish Bling would stop screaming whenever his friend refuses to empty his bowels before going out to play.
Shelter For My Soul
28th January 2008
The end of my days when I'm called to go,
Into the open arms of the Holy Ghost
To have lived such a life as I have known
Fortune follows me, but I'm brave no more
For the great mistakes I will surely pay
I'm running low and the devil is on my trail.
When fate delivers me all I'm askin for,
Is a place to rest and shelter for my soul
Oh if I could spend my days,
Free from the prison of your gates,
then I could die happy then
Oh if I could spend my days
Free from the shadow of my name,
Then I could die happy then
When I'm released from this mortal hole
I'll take my leave but I don't wanna go
When fate delivers me all I'm askin for,
A place to rest and shelter for my soul
Shelter For My Soul - Powderfinger
It keeps haunting me. That and other wrongs and rights.
I'm still waiting for answers that will never be forthcoming.
Why So Serious
23rd January 2008
Isn't it strange how remote events can effect you so. A series of mistakes, or perhaps the inevitable?
RIP to a young life cut short, and here's to living in the present.
Serotonin and Endorphin Fix
19th January 2008
The Summer of '76. Notting Hill riots, drought, global economic meltdown. And yet it has been categorised as being the happiest ever. It also has the distinction of being waaay before I was even born. What have we done? It's the middle of January, the mercury hovers around the mid-teens, and there is no end in sight of the wind and the grey skies. Is this really what it's meant to be? I have my doubts.
Something has gone really wrong. No use being philosophical and pointing the finger at the past. We don't even know that past, so how can we be nostalgic for it?
Yet, why do so many of us despair at the Future? Why does it bring such a clammy feeling to the bottom of our stomachs? I'm not talking about being depressed, but instead wonder whether expecting the worst makes it easier to deal with when it does come?
I suppose it is just a matter of cold feet at this juncture. Maybe there are things I wish could have been or could be so, but the lack of the guarantee makes me afraid. Have I really turned into one of those control-freaks who needs to know?
But there is plenty to go ahead on. When you look into the mirror you dare not meet your own eyes.
Nevermind. There are other things that are more important. Like this lovely view of where the Mediterranean meets the Atlantic. The Other Side is so near and yet so far. We must be able to get there since we can see it. Yet, what a difference it makes to be standing on the wrong side of the fence. You can almost touch it, almost smell it, you can almost hear it. But waiting for the cover of nightfall has never been easy. The hours go by so slow.
Glorious Food
15th January 2008
Wow. This is truly amazing. Fantastical yet warming at the same time. How bizarre. The first has a sea of salmon, the second breadsticks and palma ham.
Return from the Dark Continent
14th January 2008
A belated happy 2008 to all and sundry. I have been trying my best to avoid the computer, but now that my Deutsch is waiting for me I am suddenly all keen to put photos up and update everything that I have left languishing in Cyberspace.
No, let's not start complaining again. Morocco was wonderful, in terms of both learning something new about a much-maligned culture and religion, and also the satisfaction that Africa before America any day. Speaking of which, American politics has me fearing for the sanity of the human race once more. It seems that all you need to do is know how to cry on demand to win votes. Losers.
Spent a lovely day in the countryside yesterday laughing at embarrassing baby photographs. Mine are nothing like those, even if I did have cream cake on my face at one point!
