Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart..
24th December 2007
I'm BACK! For 2 days only though. It was not at all fun trying to get back into Heathrow last night, with fog in BOTH Zurich and London. What is going on? Very atmospherically creepy though. If I weren't so tired I would have shot a few pictures of how London might have seemed to a Victorian. Minus all the evil characters lurking around Chelsea though, thank you very much.
Had lots of fun skiing. Apart from almost getting killed by the Familie Farries and one ski instructor Ingel/Igel who took me down a black run. But it was incredible, being able to ski into Switzerland from Austria. Bit like the Von Trapp family, but without the pursuing Nazis. And do I need to get started about the viciousness of really wide-eyed Mädchen with their healthy cheekbones and blonde sweetness, actually more like devils underneath. Quite a handy bop on the head technique I've learnt, though.
I think a special mention has also to be given to the really terrible music that ski resorts love to blast out. How many times do we need to listen to George Michael and his old band, then move on to Tyrolean Oom-pah music (excellent to do short turns to!) before a weird musical tour around the world (Country Road seems to be a firm favourite). I suppose Mozart and the Strauss dynasty must have used up lots of the musical talent for centuries to come.
And the food! So many calories. I reckon 10,000 would not have been an exaggeration, and scarily enough, none of it seems to have stuck. Currywurst and Kaiserschmarrn make for lots of energy expended on the slopes. What a yummy way to do it. Not that I ate the most!
So anyway, 8 days of clear Alpine sun later, I am languishing in the English gloom. Can't wait for Madrid and Morocco now. Then 2 weeks of theatre-going in London, before being forced to work in Capital Markets -- save me!!!!!!!
I Refuse to Look
14th December 2007
ARGH. Talk about disaster in terms of the little jumping numbers on screen. I really am not going to look until somebody tells me it has all stopped sliding down down down!!!
Ich hasse Fußball. Es ist sehr langweilig.
I should be packing, not messing around trying to update this page. There will be disaster if I forget to bring warm stuff for tomorrow. Even more disaster if I forget the passport. I can imagine the look of blackness on the faces of all involved. Although I am surprised with the amount that I travel I have only 'lost' my passport once and taken the wrong one another time. I am sure Dad will disagree.
Looking at images of frost tear past the train window brings to mind the fun of the deep South. An entire island shrouded in white, slaving bitterly against the cold, cold wind.
Snow is nice, but ice is bad. I will need to sacrifice style for practicality and bring my walking boots. Otherwise I will crack my head on black ice. Not so fun. Why they don't clear the roads and paths is quite beyond me.
Now, can anybody say: Ischgl?
Here I come!
I Wanna Dance!
7th December 2007
Curse all these restrictions by time and schedules. It is really rubbish to have everybody else working while I sit around twiddling my thumbs during the day. It must be rotten to be a real housewife. And I don't mean the type who drives around in a disgusting 4x4 and picks the kids up from 'soccer' practice. If there were a big bin I would dump them all with their precious cars in and hope they never climb out alive.
And there are reasons for me to be grumpy, but I should not let them get to me. After all, there is always the Final Solution, but this one thankfully doesn't involve anything more drastic than a move out. This is why financial independence is always so highly rated.
Just finished booking accommodation for Morocco, which I am really looking forward to. It will be such a great experience, and hopefully the fighting will remain at the minimum. But who cares when the surroundings are so beautiful?
I hate being a martyr, but sometimes you just have to bear it.
Barriers
4th December 2007
My guard was down, and something snuck in. But it is never as you make it out to be. Life ain't perfect, but a good enough impersonation should be wonderful, no?
I still find it difficult to accept matters, to think that I might really be in the process of growing up. But if even the fat black cat needs the not-so-fat equally-black cat, why should people not find solace in the company of others? They care, but not always do they find enough of themselves left to do so.
Thoughts turn so much to the future, yet I dare not daydream. It never turns out the way that you want, but the surprise is what we live for.
Still a Student
3rd December 2007
Why do I inflict these things on myself? That I should voluntarily sign up to do some exam while I could have been not failing. Yes, it's not a joke, and I really do think terrible things have happened during those 40 minutes of listening. Evil, evil is it!
And it always fascinates me how quickly people adapt. A few months ago I was blind. Now I think nothing of clear vision. Not that I expect it to last, but it's still nice to have it for a little while. But does it make it any more precious or painful when it gets taken away from you again? I am not sure about that at all.
At least we have 1 day of sunny weather. It makes the rest of the wet and miserable days worth it; to look out of the window and see the sun and the shivery trees so exposed and vulnerable. And then to realise I have absolutely nothing that requires doing. How lovely.
Yes, I do know tripods exist. They are just very heavy to lug around, and look suspiciously like machine guns.
A Useful Member of Society
29th November 2007
Yep, that's me. Not quite soon though, but soon enough. Just going out and opening bank accounts, watching the credit limits shoot through the roof, and simply being surrounded by working peers does tend to shift your perspective in parts. Not exactly re-aligning, but a definite tweaking.
And then I look at the little numbers on the screen and have a little heart attack. Paper losses hurt as much as real ones, ack. Would it hurt to see a few green figures for a change? Humph.
Yes, I have been thinking of many matters concerning finances and growing up in general. Life never takes you where you expect, but it is nice to move on in whatever means. Even if I do look back at our time in the South Island and really wish to go back. The crisp nights with skies spilled with stars, the frost that would not give up. So many missed opportunities, so few chances to go back. But it was special, and nothing could ever change that, even if present feelings may distort over the years.
This is how I feel sometimes.
Housewifing
27th November 2007
The countdown over, I am back in London. But not quite done with the running around. Is it just me, or do I tire of all this dashing about? Not quite. Not yet.
I was going to do another countdown, but there are just too many of those here on this website.
An ode to times past.
Follow the Lights
15th November 2007
Look, I know what all the buttons and knobs and dials on my camera mean! Isn't it pretty? But it does mean that bad pictures bring with it a feeling of extreme regret -- thinking that it could have been so much better. That it can never quite capture the beauty of the real thing nor the feeling.
Hopefully I will soon be able to get over this load of bollocks that keeps going around in my head. Why does it never stop churning, even if its repeating certain meaningless phrases in foreign tongues? Do I need more or less stimulation?
Only 8 more days to go. Doesn't everything just fly past? I am not willing this time away too quickly but am content to let it sweep me along this time. Why does there have to be so many partings? And so many meetings after too-long absences? Is there a chance to have it all?
Nerdy Can Be V Hot
7th November 2007
I'm not at all obsessed. If only all men knew how to carry off scruffy well. Creative types are most intriguing.
Only a few more days left. Will I miss this place horribly when I am taken away for good? Who knows.
And the wonders of Facebook never cease to amaze. How else could somebody on the other side of the world arrange a meet-up so quickly and also learn of red-hot gossip not yet 24 hours off the press? I am not a gossip-monger, honest!
But look what we found! It is NOT a wombat.
Return from Oz
5th November 2007
So long since I have seen some, and so alike they are even after a gap of 6 years. I don't know whether to be thankful because the nostalgia runs deep and can be realised, or to be afraid that it means clinging on to the rest of it.
The problem with growing up is you need to leave so much behind.
Aquamarine blues in the distance, floating and swaying and filled with peaks and troughs of white, like little sail boats seen from high, high above.
I also hate technology. My camera card has died a horrific death and together with it the photos taken on the last few days of my holiday. I am so unimpressed and definitely ready to kill something. Those massacred ants do not seem to have helped my mood at all.
My perception of the universe also needs a little re-evaluating. Like a lot of it.
18 more days.
Speed Dream Machines
24th October 2007
What a weekend! But all credit to excellent teamwork and a man who just shuts up and drives. Who needs all the ballyhooing when you do whatever you get paid to do. Millions well spent in comparison, methinks. I am so tempted to buy a weekend in one of these machines, even if I do know nothing about cars and so will probably end up crashing it. Not pretty I'm sure.
Am feeling somewhat sorry for die-hard English sports fans though. First the football (deserved), then the rugby (shame), and then the F1 disaster (serves them right). But that's what it feels like to support your team. To take the good with the bad. If only I were that loyal.
I leave for Australia tomorrow, and return to the place I lived in for a while after an absence of almost 6 years. Will it have changed much? I know I have. And in the meantime there is so much to do. All plans are on the way to being finalised, and I will be on my way in less than 48 hours!
And while I count down the days until I return to London again (30 more days!), part of me finally realises that the end of my responsibility-free days is over. That I will get chucked out into the wide world and need to work for my keep. Exciting, but almost annoying at the same time!
Wanderlust
12th October 2007
I feel the need to be on the go again. I have been in one place for more than a month, and there is only so many hours a day that can be filled with DVDs and classes. Especially since I am off the exercise thanks to my operation.
But through the haze and the swelling I can make out words on a screen, I can see the face of another being without squinting and frowning. Modern medicine at its best? Or a refusal to accept what has been given to us? Why should we, at any rate, when the result is near-blindness?
Haemorrhaging money: what a wonderful phrase. It is exactly how I feel now. Yet I dismiss it all with a guilty thought that I will soon have an income. But this I the spending on future projections that I so warned against.
43 days until I return. Hurrah! Bedknobs and broomsticks.
I love how nature comes to my doorstep.
Yay Kimi!!!!
7th October 2007
Well done! Bring on Brazil!!
Mass Hysteria
How could the All Blacks lose to a bunch of schoolgirls? Somebody needs to beat the frogs! This is a weekend of ups and downs for sure. And I am going to be avoiding Live sports events because I am too useless when it comes to watching the sides I support lose! That entire nations can be bound together and scream together and groan together -- that is something we shall never know.
Well, we shall see how the rest of the games play out. A truly wonderful tournament has upsets on all sides, and this is shaping out to be one of the best ever.
On an entirely different note, have seen the trailer for Sweeney Todd , and am getting all excited about the latest Depp/Burton collaboration. If ever there were a topic suited to them, this is it. Although Todd's voice is a bit too much like Captain Jack's if you ask me. And there is the thought of an all-singing, all-dancing Johnny Depp. Will wonders never cease.
And whilst we're on the topic of movies (or films, if you may), I would like to register my disapproval of the censor's scissors. In the age of internet downloads, is it actually possible to protect an entire population from 'undesirable content'? Wouldn't banning something make the masses curious as to what it is? The ratings system is in place for a reason, is it not? Otherwise we might as well just get rid of it and watch Disney films all day long.
Also, am feeling a little cheated by having watched a concert of less than 2 hours. But I suppose if the populace is not ready for anything other than popular classics and crowd-pleases (don't get me wrong, I love Grieg's Peer Gynt suite), there isn't much point staging Wagner's entire Gotterdammerung cycle. Even I couldn't sit through 6 hours of bad tenors and worse sopranos!
Pretensions aside, I am bored. And also only able to see through one eye. But it seems the Black Cat Army is in a bit of a crisis at the moment. And all because we dragged poor Tubby indoors the other night!
Raising an Army
1st October 2007
A new month, and one less till I move away for good. Am still recovering from the cut made to the cornea, and hoping it doesn't die before the other one gets done. It is, however, a pretty cool thing to wake up to clear sight without groping for vision aids.
It's wonderful to live in a place with more animals than people. Just this morning I saw squirrels scrambling around the palm trees and vines, then a large sea eagle swooped by. Thank goodness I didn't have to witness any spectacle of nature! I don't think I am ready for that yet.
On the other hand, I am happily feeding my black cat regiment. How cute are they?
Sunflower Fields Forever
17th September 2007
And the fields go on and on and on and on and on -- stretching into eternity. They carry on even after we have left them far behind.
Pre-op nerves are not to be scoffed at. Especially when you're gonna get your defective corneas burnt out.
Messin' About
10th September 2007
Who would have thought it, a grand slug such as I would one day end up like this? That a sedentary lifestyle would be most unpleasant and unbearable to me. You do not need to be any good, just be willing to dance your worries away.
And being blind has its conveniences when wanting to be on the go all the time. The perspiration and oil builds up on the bridge of your nose and you just want to throw the irritating piece of plastic hooked to your face into the wind. But then you realise you won't be able to find your way back, such is its power over you.
I wish that it were not the case, but it seems like I shall have to be cut up and stitched up in order to repair this defect of mine. And it is not the fear of the operation nor the pain that worries me, but that I will no longer be in one piece! That my body will no longer be natural! But I have a filling in me, so what is this objection?
Strange child that I am, I hope that the days of feeling about in the dark will soon be over.
Back in the Sack
4th September 2007
The years pass like rain in the mountains.
Never-ending. Always pushing forward.
How I wish you were here with me. You, who are reading this from whatever part of the world.
We take so much for granted, even that smile on a child's face.
Every girl goes through a phase of wanting to be a photographer.
Neglect
17th August 2007
So many things we promise to do, we set out to do, and so many things we fail to achieve. The best intentions are usually thwarted by the lack of a drive. Dreamers can afford to be failures, because without the failing, how could it be a dream? But yet, there is still hope in each blink of the eye.
I am stationary for now, but the itch has begun anew. More things to see, more people to wonder at. More promises to return when I will never set foot nor eyes on the place again.
Yet how strange it is that simple lives bring simple smiles. Or is it the urge to beautiful ugliness that we see. The need to feel less guilt as we look upon the less fortunate? Perhaps we do not peek behind the curtain. We smile to ourselves, smug in the knowledge that the $1 we hand over, which costs nothing to us, will make the world of difference for the poor child. That he will be grateful to us.
Neglect
17th August 2007
So many things we promise to do, we set out to do, and so many things we fail to achieve. The best intentions are usually thwarted by the lack of a drive. Dreamers can afford to be failures, because without the failing, how could it be a dream? But yet, there is still hope in each blink of the eye.
I am stationary for now, but the itch has begun anew. More things to see, more people to wonder at. More promises to return when I will never set foot nor eyes on the place again.
Yet how strange it is that simple lives bring simple smiles. Or is it the urge to beautiful ugliness that we see. The need to feel less guilt as we look upon the less fortunate? Perhaps we do not peek behind the curtain. We smile to ourselves, smug in the knowledge that the $1 we hand over, which costs nothing to us, will make the world of difference for the poor child. That he will be grateful to us.
Counting Down the Days
4th August 2007
112 days until I see you again.
A catalogue of my ups and downs.
And I set off into the sunset again tomorrow.
I miss Methven and those days of wandering through thickest frost.
Hard to Say Goodbye
25th June 2007
When you've spent so long somewhere, the memories build up. Good, bad, lovely, sad; people who matter, those who you really care for. You take them for granted, before realising you can't take them along with you.
About to kick off the Grand Tour, I can't help but feel a sense of closure. That a major part of my life is about to end, that everything will change when I come back. Growing up is hard to do, and I wish I could keep all of you with me always. Sentimentalism is not my forte, but sometimes I just want to give all of you a big heartfelt hug and tell you how much you mean to me. For all my blusterings about being a hermit, nobody can be on their own always. And the thought of not having anybody with you is so frightening.
But for now, I am living in the present, not looking to the future. There will be plenty of time for that later. There are some things which have to be appreciated, and it would be a crime not to do so.
Love you all, me.
Musings
19th June 2007
Am loathe to admit it, but doing nothing gets boring after a while. There are only so many hours in a day that you can spend reading and rotting in front of the telly. Shopping shouldn't suck me in, but I am getting sucked in. I think I will spend Thursday someplace else at the risk at more harm befalling my humble flat.
Months of hoping and looking forward to this time of my life have ended. I am content, almost happily so, but already starting to get restless. Why do I bore so easily? Yet being bored by nothing has to be better than being bored by having to do something. And I have many months to sit around and think about the meaning of life, since I cannot be constantly on the road. Or can I?
I should also go ahead and apply for that travel grant. It has been months since I said I would do it, and now I really have to get it down on paper. It may even firm up my plans further.
'Tis tough, all this hanging around. Yet there is so much that has to be done before I leave for long. 5 years in one place, and still so many unvisited spots. Should I jump into a car and drive around aimlessly? Why do I still want to go somewhere else. Why is it always more, more, more?
It's not so uncommon, but is there really not more?
Come back in 8 months and you'll hear me moan about how I wish I were only holiday again. I am not officially whining now though, so don't worry too much. Just a little sad at the distance that seems to have cropped up between now and then, now and later.
Joy is seeing a robin land on the chair next to you. Joy is seeing wild ponies for the first time.
The Mind is boggled
24th May 2007
How could it be that a place could be so unbearably cold, then horribly hot just a few months later? Or does time go a lot faster than we give it credit for?
Also, we can't change the world, no matter what we are told. There is too much, and we are too little. The most one can hope for is a little bit of compassion, a little bit of light, even if we do struggle to produce even that once in a while.
Even the monkeys know all about Zen..
I miss wandering about. Not quite like a cloud, but close enough with the excessive luggage dragged around.
Best Friends
21st May 2007
There we were, two women who were neither old nor young, trapped in our middle ages, lying side-by-side, not speaking, just listening to each other's raspy breaths, in and out, in and out. Is this what this is like, when bodies break down? Do they squash together, distend, divide out of control, cry out for attention? We do not feel it yet, but how long would it be before the intermittent aches become constant, before the weakness in our legs do not go away?
We have not lain like this in the dark, in the still of the night, since our marriages. If we close our eyes, if we ignore the raised veins and the dull throb-throb-throbbing of our backs, will we be little girls again?
Here we are, two women who were mothers ourselves, waiting, watching, falling asleep, wondering when the operation will end, wondering when we were forced to grow up so suddenly without warning. Lights shine in from without, escaping through cracks and spaces. The soft footsteps of nurses on night duty, the silent sucking of the air conditioner.
When will she be wheeled out? Would we be able to recognise her underneath all those tubes?
We wait, we doze, we turn into mere girls again, huddled on a too-hard mattress in a too-hot tropical night, waiting for our mother to come back to us.
You should be my best friend. You were my best friend. We should have lain together on the bed waiting as one. What happened?
Damp and Miserable
15th May 2007
I'm not only talking about the weather here. Have been sitting around feeling sorry for myself as the terrible cold works its way through me. But there's only 2 weeks left! Although there is little to look forward to in the next few weeks. It's a rum thing, this life business, but hey-ho. We all get over it - eventually.
At any rate, the reason why I am still damp around the edges is a good one. Getting towed back into harbour by sea rescue, on the other hand, is not so good. Catching a cold because of excessive wetness is even less good. But what an adventure! It is still difficult for me to get over the sense of excitement every time we head out to sea. Although I don't fancy my enjoying crossing the Atlantic. Not yet at any rate. Give me a few years at the corporate desk and I will be more than keen to fling myself into even greater dangers! And all in the name of charity too. It's a win-win situation really.
Am still waiting for more inspiration to get off my lazy ass and start doing things again, although I think I have more than earned a break for now.
Every summer we will sail into the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear...
Starting to feel the pinch too at always being absent, of being shielded from worries by the great distance and time that separates us. The guilt is nigh unbearable, and it is all so difficult.
But first I must grab some grub.
Spring Beauty
3rd May 2007
How many weather-related posts have I managed to muster? Eep! But Britain in the sunshine is absolutely stunning. Even if the promised 20 days of clear blue skies again this time have failed to materialise!
This time I have been trying my hardest to work on the positives, to pull through with a big smile and confidence in what I've managed to do and what I will do. The good feedback on my latest instalment should really propel me forward. And dare I say it, but go on then: I have been compared to Ishiguro! If only my brain could handle such praise. It's a great start, I just need to finish. Perhaps I would post some of it up here for opinions. In fact, I have been toying around with putting the break-time writing exercises up for a bit of a laugh. Some are better than others, but I like to think all are worth looking at.
More plans that may or may not come to fruition. More truths to go in pursuit of. Yet we need to dance on still.
The sea is only a few hours away. It might be uphill, but it's the beauty that draws us in.
Irreplaceable
30th April 2007
We struggle to put a plug into the gap, but know that you can never be replaced, that you are unique with your beautiful eyes and your gentle face. Returning to the source we got you from, we smile as we remember that day, 10 years ago, when you came and sat right next to us, choosing to spend the rest of your life with us.
The months have not erased the hole in our hearts, even though we try to do so.
Like a dying sun.
Disappearing into the distance.
New Phone Again!
26th April 2007
Love free phones. Especially when they're as pretty as this one, even if I always have a distinct feeling of getting conned everytime I respond to a telemarketing call.
While this isn't quite the place to go on about it, but alas for the life and needs which we all struggle to comprehend. Perhaps more cruel is the ability to see irrational emotions as such and to be able to rationalise but not chase the tears and fears away.
Only a Kid
22nd April 2007
You value my advice, but I'm only a kid.
What kids do best though, is to enjoy Spring. Richmond in all its glory:
I Don't Trust You
19th April 2007
Is it terrible that I refused to board the Tube when a completely veiled person with a backpack charged onto it before me?
Bee Says Adieu
I'll be back, but will you?
Sudden Squall
7th April 2007
Why does the postman at home come only after 6 in the evening? Surely there has to be a maximum work-hour limit set on them?
That and other mysteries of the universe.
Trying to work out too whether I enjoy sudden tropical thunderstorms. They sure beat the damp drip-drip-dripness that seizes entire days or weeks, but the violence is rather frightening to behold while standing by the window. We should feel safe, but we still cower when the sky lights up.
Home is slowly getting better and soon I will start wishing I hadn't to leave. Or would I? Lazy afternoons with nothing but a book or a pad of paper can't last forever. The days are just packed.
Blonding Down
5th April 2007
Eep. Talk about dramatic changes! Who knew how different colours can make to one??
Home isn't quite the same, but then again it's unreasonable to expect things to stagnate and be there for you when you finally spare some time and effort to go back to them. Also, it's a bit scary when Mums start to realise that denial isn't the best policy all the time. Between the two of us I think I'm the more traumatised.
No pictures for the time being, just a spew of disconnected words. Time differences are pooh-ey,
Might I also re-iterate my view that the Rugby is a million times more civilised than football. Not always on the pitch, mind, although when you see the louts tugging at shirts and making a general arse of themselves, you do wonder.
Finally, can't wait for Pirates! Okay I lie, just one picture, because it's too pretty.
I HATE MOSQUITOES!
3rd April 2007
Not spiders, if you were wondering. Some spiders are alright, especially little Rover, my first and only 'fighting' spider: RIP. Do you remember those days of keeping spiders in matchboxes or similar containers?
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with lizards. Dad and certain other people might disagree, but they're good. Because they prevent the dratted mozzies from eating me alive. Which is precisely what they tried to do (single-handedly too!) this afternoon. Is there really no way to kill them all? Even Mussolini didn't manage to rid the River Arno of the plague.
Met up with old friends and flicked through old photo-albums. It's amazing how much is buried within, and how little it takes to bring things out again. So much has changed, but some things still stay the same forever.
Also, if any rich benefactors are reading this, I wouldn't mind a Stradivari. Then I can take it apart to see how it all works. Okay, maybe not. Just give me the money and I promise it will go to good use. One more question of: are you sure you want to be a lawyer? and I might just faint.
Spring Is In the Air Part II
26th March 2007
I love zoos. Especially if it's so easy to feed little children to the animals.
Need the holiday!
Too Much Time
22nd March 2007
It's been too long since I've had to stay up till 4 in the morning with work that needs to be done. As a result it's been a case of messing around the whole day, getting some DVD out, and being more bored than ever. There's only so many films that can be watched, and my brain feels overly-stimulated one moment, and utterly shrivelled up the next. Where is the balance?
So have decided to go ahead and start doing other more interesting things which range from sailing in May to possible ballroom dancing classes. Also think might make the trek down to Canterbury for a day trip this Sunday. It's been a while since I've been, and it is a lovely city.
First we need to lose this horrible cold snap that has seen it snowing in late March. Climate change or not, I'm getting sick of the unseasonable weather. I want some snow when I go skiing in Australia and New Zealand this summer/winter!!
Will eventually get more Madeira shots up, but this one should do for now:
I Miss Bee
10th March 2007
Bit of a carnage-like scene left behind in the now-empty room. I would put up a picture of the bits of papers, empty contact lens box and half-eaten tablets strewn all over the floor, but decided to spare someone the embarrassment.
Relaxation and fun always comes to an end, and term starts again with a vengeance next Tuesday. But not before the fun-filled 4 hours of work-related gabble on Monday. Not that I should complain too much. It's been fun, it's been wild, but I'm getting to the point when a quiet cup of tea seems like the best solution!
Silly Bee almost forgot her luggage too. The most important luggage! Tsk. Imagine what the panic would be. It would be more disastrous than leaving a passport behind, methinks.
Anyway, till next time. November will be here before we know it and we can hit London-Town again together. Before I get sucked into the world of work. Help! I need Somebody, Help!
Desperately Seeking
4th March 2007
A dose of Madeirian sunshine.
Rain, rain, please go away?
Desperately Seeking
4th March 2007
A dose of Madeirian sunshine.
Rain, rain, please go away?
Happy! Sad! Happy! Sad!
21st February 2007
Just keep swinging.
Only 2 more left. Nobody said life was easy.
Ear of the Pig
18th February 2007
HAPPY YEAR OF THE PIG to all!
Enjoy all that looting and eating and gambling bambinos. I'm gonna be working on behalf of everybody else. Holding up the fort with my self-sacrificingness and all that. Have a great 'un on me.
Food, Glorious Food
17th February 2007
I am sorry to say that nothing has inspired me of late. Apart from the millions of books for sale everywhere, and the impossible task of going through them all. Once again the good intentions to stop whining and think positive are difficult to follow through.
Yet, since share buy-backs are such boring topics, I'd like to dedicate the next few pictures to a celebration to what we all love: food. If you don't love it, I suggest you stop trying to achieve that ridiculous Size-0 figure and get stuck in. Or tuck in. Whatever rocks your boat.
Because tonight I am having a delicious and well-earned meal. Not sure I will brave Chinatown though! Am really liking this fusion of ideas and food and everything in general which I've now realised has always been a part of my life. Thanks to Mum and Dad for helping us stay sane and realising that there's a world out there.
Happy New Year to all of you who celebrate it! Thanks for the lovely thoughts and wishes sent my way.
Can one ever have too much of a good thing?
My X'mas eve dinner this year (don't talk to me about X'mas dinner, because I might just cry at the memory of that canteen by the Nagano hotel where Bee and I were the two lone females):
And breakfast on X'mas morning.
New Additions to the Mantlepiece
14th February 2007
Hurrah! Many thanks to Saru-chan for the lovely thought! =)
Need some cheer to an otherwise dull, dull, dull day of trying to avoid studying.
All Warmed-Up
12th February 2007
The freeze has gone, and we're back into mild, sodden days and nights again, ladies and gents.
I need to get out of here!! Just 11 more days!
I love pandas. What can I say?
Freeeeeezing!
7th February 2007
How terribly English. First you complain about the rain, and now about the cold. And it is cold at the moment, what with the cracks in the windows (whoever said living in a 180 year-old building was going to be comfortable!?) and the north wind that nips into the sitting-room. Am finding it ever more difficult to get out of bed as a result, which is not great for the time of the year. Or rather, for the exam-studying.
I realise a lot of my stuff is about how I hate this exam and how I hate studying, so I shall keep the complaints brief for today's post: NGGYAAAAHHH!!!!!!
But there is overnight snow predicted for tomorrow. Which is absolutely stunning. There is something so amazing about just drawing the blinds to be greeted with pristine whiteness. Even the slow drip-drip-dripping of the thawing snow seems to be atmospheric in its own right. And it is so sad when you realise that it is all transient, that the sun might come up to drive it all away. And for once you wonder why it is so in the first place? The world is sometimes so mysterious and so incomprehensible. Or is it only so because we make up these constructs and then realise that the world is actually anything but. That we cherish permanence and transience but they are utterly pointless?
Anyhoo, I do believe more work is calling. If you have read this far, take care, and I hope to speak to you in a less impersonal way.
1/12 Gone
1st February 2007
What news, after having survived a twelfth of the year? Not much, I might add. Things are still chugging along, the tide seems to have turned against the gloom and doom of January, and the sun is currently making it difficult to type.
It's silly how often we spend waiting and wishing and wanting things to come faster or go away slower. And of course brains never work the way you want them to.
Have started up a bit more writing, although it is difficult when nights spent curled up in bed give away to sleepy pillow-talk which never quite makes any sense. That you end up giggling and laughing and struggling to finish the sentence before irrational sleep descends upon you. That mornings are spent hitting the snooze button five gazillion times before you stumble out of bed. And you fight for the one toilet in the flat and argue over who spends longer on their hair.
Also missing the snow, although can't complain too much about the mildness of the weather. I do wish I was still in Japan with Bee though, waking up on X'mas eve to see this:
Don't be Afraid
29th January 2007
You'll be home soon..
White-Out!
24th January 2007
I could get the hang of this photo-journalism thing. A picture paints a thousand words. And I'm past getting pissed off. I laugh in the face of TFL instead.
You wake up to this wonder:
See this on the way into the tube:
Figures...
Tube Hell: Part MXCIII
18th January 2007
Honestly, what are adverse weather conditions? Why does everything shut down whenever it rains or blows wind or gets hot?
Although I think serious thought and action needs to be satisfied before we eventually sink into an ice age/apocalyptic era. There is only so much denying and ostriching anybody can take. The planet is dying, and something has to be done.
Pip-Pip!
17th January 2007
At the risk of turning this into some kind of fan-site, congratulations to Hugh Laurie on his second Golden Globe! For once there's something to cheer about, being Brits and all. And no, I won't mention the word cri****. Oops. I just did.
Also it seems like I have come to terms with the Next Big Step. It's strange to think how a little niggly problem could bug you until it gets blown all out of proportion and you think the end of the world is nigh. Obviously things do not get better overnight, but I'm content -- for the moment at least. Sleeping is overrated. Or so I say whenever the dreamscape proves to be oh-so-elusive.
Why do people feel alone even though they are constantly surrounded? Is it an internal construct? That you end up barricading yourself from the rest of the world for whatever reason?
At any rate, I hope to be able to get back my Photoshop Elements software. There's only so much text one webpage can take, and I think I'm reaching the limit with this one.
I was also quite pleased at finally cooking that bowl of sweet potato soup. Yummy.
A Little Bit of Silliness
10th January 2007
Now and then is relished by the wisest man. Or so says Mr. Wonka. And he knows everything.
Although he's not the only one with the Brain.
I simply won't stop laughing at this. Late congrats to the Man for his OBE.
New Year, New Me?
3rd January 2007
After that somewhat dreary last post, I wish I had something more cheerful to write, but I have gone ahead and lost a beautiful necklace which I just received for Christmas. Why does this keep happening? And nothing anybody says can make me feel any better.
And it was a good start to the year as well. Most of the baggage and problems of last term seem to have been left behind, and I thought everything would only move forward from here. But of course my current upsetness is but a hiccup in what is to be a really exciting and life-changing year. Part of me doesn't want to think about the leap I will make from half-student to real-life working adult, but somehow it seems inevitable. Already I can feel myself growing up so much more than I ever thought possible. Talk has moved on to families and buying property, while I sit on the sidelines trying not to turn too green.
Just had a sudden twinge of regret for the loss of idealism, for never being able to feel the flush of first love and innocent dreams again. I feel so jaded and cynical sometimes, and I wish it were not so, but what should I expect? Everybody treads more gingerly at the end of every fall, and you start to realise how transient a world we live in. Nothing lasts forever, and I often look to the gap months with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. What will they bring? What will I lose? What will I gain?
Had a lovely time away though, and will write my thoughts on this season's Rustic Adventuring with the lovely Bee.
Finally, a message to a dearest cuz: I hope you're enjoying being at home. There are no comment functions for the simple reason that I lack the technical expertise to insert them for each individual post (remember that I am fast turning into a techie idiot, no thanks to Mr. I hate computers and I don't know what Skype is). But feel free to use the message board on the sidebar of course! It's been too long since we spoke, and you will need to tell me all about the adventures of Green/Blue-eyed boy in the Far East. Nothing has yet been confirmed, and who knows where we'll be in a few months time, but he might have company come summer. ;)
